Twice as Critical
by Vergil Creiger
Summary: In which the Sacred Gear that everyone assumed was a Twice Critical... did in fact turn out to be a Twice Critical. IseXHarem
1. Rainy with a Chance of Serial Killer

**Don****'****t ****worry****. ****This ****one ****is ****the ****last ****story ****I****'****ll ****be ****starting ****for ****a ****while****. ****Black ****Road****, ****Deathless ****and ****this ****will ****be ****updated ****in ****cycles****, ****in ****that ****order****. ****Enjoy ****the ****Kiba ****in ****this ****chapter****.**

"Marquis de Condorcet suggested that all forms of education that can be conducted should be shared by everyone." said the high school student. He was standing, and had an open textbook on his desk. He was seated next to the window, about halfway down the classroom's length. "Also, according to Japan's constitution laws, 'All citizens have the right to receive education.' I believe that the message this tells us is that discrimination against those with poor levels of education should not be allowed." He sat down, his classmates staring at him in bewilderment. "That is all."

There was a baffled pause. "Issei," said the teacher, as confused as his pupils. "What does any of that have to do with-"

"Just now," Issei interrupted. "You asked the class rep to answer the third problem in this book."

"And?"

"Ever since the beginning of the new semester you have only been asking a small percentage of the class - which coincidentally achieves the highest grades - to answer various problems. I should know. I've been observing you."

_Creepy__. _thought a good looking boy at the back of the room, thinking the spectacle had nothing to do with him. He was wrong.

"And?" asked the teacher again.

"THIS IS PREJUDICE!" thundered Issei, slamming his fists on the table and making everyone jump. He pointed at the boy who had been snarking to himself earlier, and bellowed, "WHY DO YOU NOT GIVE THE CHANCE TO ANSWER PROBLEMS TO THAT CREATURE?"

The boy's jaw dropped, brain not yet catching up with what was happening.

"I almost had a heart attack when I snuck a look at the teacher's notes!" Issei continued. "There was an absence of one digit that should definitely belong there!"

"No," said the second boy, who had realized what he was talking about. "Sto-"

"Kiba's two-digit IQ made me wonder if what we were doing could really be called a conversation between the same species. Even though Kiba's brain is flapping desperately like the dolphins of the pacific, just because his IQ only reaches the level of two digits his very right to be a student is rescinded! Is this fair I ask you? IS THIS FAIR!" He turned to the dolphin in question. "Speak up, Kiba! Even if your stupid brain is on the same wavelength of an equally stupid fish, _believe _that you have what it takes to answer these pitifully simple Maths problems!"

Kiba rose to his feet, calmly walked to Issei's desk and violently punched him in the face. He pointed at his bleeding classmate and with tears (yes, _tears_) in the corners of his eyes, he shouted, "THEY TOLD US THAT IQ TEST WAS DONE CASUALLY!"

"Heh, don't make me laugh," smirked Issei, wiping the gore from his chin. "I saw how super serious you were!"

Kiba recoiled, as though struck. "Wh-what about you! You're barely on a third digit yourself!"

"You honestly believe my IQ of three digits is on the same pathetic level as yours?"

The teacher twitched, squeezing the chalk in his hand with ever increasing severity.

"How dare you compare me with a fish!"

"Dolphins aren't fish, dumbass, they're mammals!"

The chalk disintegrated.

_Later__..._

Issei and Kiba sat in the hallway, to which they had been banished. Issei's head was propped on one hand, while Kiba's was between his knees. "How many times?" murmured Kiba. It was the voice of a broken man. "How many times must you this to me before you're satisfied?"

Issei smirked, head not leaving his hand. "...calling dolphins fish. I mean really-"

"Drop it."

"...dumbass, of course your IQ would only be-"

"I said drop it!"

_Even __later__..._

"Booyah!" cheered Kiba, his mood having done a complete one-eighty. "This is the ultra-rare lunch set that only the first two percent of students to arrive at the cafeteria can get! The legendary 'sunny-side-up that hasn't been shattered'! I can't believe that I would receive such a miracle due to detention! Perhaps this is providence? A reward for enduring _your _miserable existence for so long?"

Issei sat opposite, head once more in his hand. Deep down, Kiba wondered if they'd ever separated. "If you think being overly descriptive'll make up for your two-digit IQ, then I'm sorry to say-" Kiba's chopsticks snapped in his hand.

The duo were drawing a lot of attention, as they always did. Between them, they were indisputably the most famous male students at Kuou High. Kiba, with his slender frame, pale blonde hair and bishounen good looks was said to be the prince of the student body... or at least he was when Issei wasn't around. Somehow the other boy always managed to pull him into his own pace, to the point where Kiba's more normal friends had given him a t-shirt the previous Christmas that had the words 'designated tsukkomi' written on it. According to legend, he had cried after unwrapping it.

Issei was a wild child. His uniform always looked as though he had slept in it, his brown hair was unruly and tangled and wiry muscles were visible through his clothes. His eyes shone with mischief and he always seemed to be brimming with energy and enthusiasm. It was ridiculous how much trouble he got into, and Kiba seemed to have made it his life's work to get dragged into it along with him. Every. Single. Time. But no matter what shit they got into, at least they would always be friends.

"I hate you." hissed Kiba. "I loathe you. **I ****despise ****you****. **Who decided I would be your butt monkey anyway?"

"Me and Boke United. We had a meeting."

"Why me. WHY ME!"

"Because, you always just walk into it. No matter how obvious the setup is you fall for it every time."

"I do not!"

"_THEY __TOLD __US __THAT __IQ __TEST __WAS __DONE __CASUALLY__!"_

"Okay, but that was just one time."

"You know that tsukkomi shirt your club got you-"

"How did you know about that?"

"-was actually recommended by me."

"**Those ****fucking ****traitors****."**

"You're naive, Kiba." said Issei smugly. "When three beautiful women give you an article of clothing as a holiday gift, it's obviously an invitation to strip off everything else and-"

"Bah, that's the wishful thinking of a virgin." sneered Kiba. "Huh? U mad?"

Issei raised an eyebrow. "I am indeed a virgin, but at least I'm not as **tender **and **insecure **about it as you are."

Kiba flinched, the (bold-font) words gouging into his soul. "W-well, be that as it may, it's normal for people our age to-"

"Are you fucking kidding me!" roared Issei, slamming both fists on the table. Kiba's tray jumped into the air and his egg wobbled dangerously, but ultimately remained intact. "We are in our prime! Our springtime of youth! If we... no-" He grabbed his chopsticks and held them aloft like a weapon. "If a dumbass like you is to make his passage into adulthood then he must show no fear, no hesitation, and strike to the heart of the... the..."

His voice faded away. At the climax of his speech Issei had brought the chopsticks stabbing downwards, puncturing the 'sunny-side-up that hasn't been shattered'. To Kiba, it was like watching his own heart explode into gooey, yellow chunks.

"Uh, Kiba?" smiled Issei nervously, backing of slightly as the other boy rose ominously to his feet. "Yuuto? Fang-Man? Remember how you were just saying that we were friends and that you love me and how you'd never try and castrate me with a ladle-"

_Elsewhere__..._

A girl sat at an empty table. Though the idea was that her friends would eventually come and join her, the spare seats were immediately filled by a bunch of people she didn't know.

"Rias-onee-sama ordered the brunch set again!"

"I wonder what drink that is?"

"Since it's Onee-sama, it must be a really expensive drink!"

_It__'__s __just __water__..._

"Waa, such an elegant posture!"

"MOVE YO ASSES!"

Her table was flipped as someone crashed into it. Rias was thrown from her seat, but a muscular arm looped around her back before she hit the floor. Her rescuer caught her tray with his free hand, then, in a remarkable display of dexterity, caught all of the falling food on top of it. He placed the food on the bench, then turned to look at her.

Her face wasn't the first thing he noticed (but don't get me wrong, she was _breathtaking_) but rather it was her long, crimson hair.

"Oh," said Issei. "Hello again."

Her drink finally descended and hit the younger boy squarely on the crown ("Ow!") causing him to drop her with a thump. Issei blinked, then ducked and rolled. Kiba landed acrobatically where he had just been standing, for some reason dual-wielding a pair of ladles.

"I'm sorry Kiba!" panicked Issei. "I didn't mean to disturb your fragile, two-digit-"

He shut up and ducked, barely avoiding the blow that whistled overhead. Wisely, he chose to flee.

"Get back here you son of a bitch!"

"Not the ladles! Anything but the ladles!"

Rias just sat there on the floor, blinking in surprise.

"What," she said finally. "The hell?"

_After __School__..._

"Dude, I said I was sorry."

"Do you think sorry brought Juliet back to life? Hermione? King Arthur? Humpty Dumpty?"

"Fine, I'll buy you something with eggs on the way home! Will that make you feel better?"

Kiba stopped walking as they reached the front gate. "Can't. I have club activities today."

Issei gave him a disbelieving look. "Seriously? Is there any day when you _don__'__t_ have... oh, I see."

"See what?" asked Kiba warily.

"You need to spend time with your 'ladies'. That's fine, the bro-code dictates that I-"

"I keep telling you it's nothing like that!"

Issei gave him a long look. "Really?"

"Really."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm positive, yes."

"Wow." There was a brief pause. "That makes me sad."

"You sunnuva-"

"So you've never touched any of them?"

Kiba blinked, a little taken aback by the sincere surprise in his voice. "No. Never."

"...wow. Just... wow." Issei shook his head. "You know, one of these days I'm going to join that club of yours and steal them all. Then I'm going to seduce any other hot female members that happen to join later, just to rub it in your face."

Kiba rolled his eyes. "Yeah, as if that'll happen."

Irony loves this boy.

The two said their goodbyes and parted ways, Kiba to the old school building and Issei to the road home. The path led him down a steep hill, which soon curved in a sharp turn. Still sloping downwards the road curved in an arc, so that if Issei hopped over the railing and kept going he would eventually hit the road once again. The way, however, was very, very steep.

He took it at a run, vaulting over the railing and racing down the hill at full speed. Gravity multiplied his momentum, dirt and rocks kicked up in showers as his footsteps became ever rougher and more desperate. His lips stretched back over teeth that sharpened into a fanged grin, and his eyes flared green as his pounding heart pumped adrenaline through his body. Then he reached the road.

Truly, it was jump that a professional athlete could have been proud of. Using the low wooden fence as a foothold (it was quite battered, as he had done this before) he leapt through the air, twisting himself into a horizontal, high-jump style reclining position to help make it over a passing bus. Issei managed to clear the adjacent pavement completely, crashing awkwardly into the peak of a high stone wall (which was quite cracked from his previous attempts) and flipping painfully onto the other side. He lay there for a moment - panting and still smiling - as his eyes returned to their usual brown. Then he heaved himself to his feet, rubbed the blood from his eyes and started walking.

He was in a park, by the way.

_Not __too __far __away__..._

The nun squealed and tripped, her luggage scattering across the ground. She landed face first, so it took a few seconds for her to push herself up and rub the gravel from her eyes. When she looked up, however, most of her things had already been picked up and returned to their bag. Her savior was a tall Japanese man in his mid-teens, probably the same age as herself. He helped her to her feet, looked at her with those soulful brown eyes and she realized she didn't speak a word of the local language.

Issei cocked his head to one side. The nun had begun to babble in Italian, and didn't seem to notice that the items he was helping stuff back into her bags included several pairs of underwear. In fact, he doubted she'd notice if he stole a few for the memory, but in the end he decided not to in deference to her nun-ness. She was young, blonde and very pretty, with large green eyes that widened adorably when he raised a hand for her to stop speaking.

"Issei." he said slowly, pointing at himself to indicate he was telling her his name. He repeated himself a few times until she understood.

"Asia," she replied, pointing to herself. He repeated the word experimentally, but it came out thickly accented, and sounded more like 'Aashia'. Issei performed an exaggerated charade of someone trying to find something and failing, and when Asia had stopped laughing she drew a crude image of a church in the dirt. Issei heaved her suitcase onto his shoulder, beckoned her to follow and ended up the escort for a beautiful young girl.

Life's funny that way.

Before they left, Asia motioned for him to lean down and placed her hands on his cheeks. They were very soft, and a little cool. A soft green light flowed from her fingers, and the little cuts and bruises left over from his earlier fall stopped hurting.

So she could heal people. Huh.

Asia withdrew her hands from the Japanese boy's face, shifting nervously. She hadn't intended to use her power so openly, really she hadn't, but she just couldn't stand the sight of someone in pain. People could generally be sorted into two categories; those who adored her for her powers and those who were afraid of her, or at least afraid of the unknown in general. Issei stood there a moment longer, rubbing his face thoughtfully, then pointed to his own eyes.

They began to glow a prominent, unnatural green.

He picked her up with one arm and hefted her onto the shoulder not carrying her luggage (eliciting a cute squeal) and set of at a run. In a dizzying series of acrobatics he jumped back and forth between two buildings, ascending higher and higher until they were on the roof. He set her down and pointed.

They were at the edge of town, and where she looked Asia could see a sprawling vista of green fields, a glorious view of nature she had never before been privileged to experience, as she had spent most of her life in a stone built city with limited freedom. She would later swear that her eyes literally _drank_ in the sight, so strong was the the emotion and so clear the recollection. When Asia finally tore her gaze back to Issei he wasn't looking at the view but at her, a wild, roguish grin on his face; the sort of smile it's impossible not to smile back at.

When she was ready to leave he motioned for her to get on his back - her knees gripping his waist and her arms looped intimately about his neck - and hefted her suitcase in his arms. Roof hopping is as fast as it is enjoyable, and they reached the church far sooner than Asia would have liked. She made an inquiring gesture, asking if he would like to come inside, but he waved his hand in an apologetic negative. On impulse she wrapped her arms around his waist, and he laughed and hugged her back. When they separated she had a small but pleased blush on her face, and as she ran into the church - one hand waving frantically at the departing Issei - she swore to herself she would learn Japanese as soon as possible.

It was at this point that Issei realized he had forgotten his school bag back at the park. He would have retrieved it quickly, as he made good time across the rooftops, but it seemed someone had been murdered in the time he'd been away.

Whoever the victim was they had been killed with a heavy, blunt object. The murderer had attacked the body over and over again, until the corpse had been utterly pulverized. There were no recognizable physical characteristics left, nor were there any visible organs, bones or even clothing. It was just a massive blur of red and pink and purple smeared across the pavement. Most frighteningly, it seemed the concrete itself had been unable to withstand the blows. Huge cracks and craters scarred the ground, and it seemed likely that large portions of the deceased had sunk into the gaps.

Issei retrieved his bag, elbowed his way through the crowd and left. Pale eyes watched him go.

_Later__, __at __the __Hyodou __residence__..._

Issei dumped his bag by the door and rolled his shoulders with a sigh. It had started raining on the way home, and he hadn't bothered to cover himself. The house was dark (the sky was black with rain clouds) and when he flicked on a few lights and went into the kitchen he saw a note stuck to the fridge. Apparently, his dad had thrown his back out and mom had to drive him to the hospital. Issei frowned. Even his parents found it difficult to keep up with his wild behavior, and had registered him into a dormitory as soon as he hit high school. A part of Issei's mind that didn't see the light of day very often wondered if they just didn't want to see him.

He slapped a sandwich together and plopped himself in front of the TV. The sun went down, and what little light remained disappeared. The rain intensified, developing into a full blown thunderstorm. His parents called when the clock struck seven, saying they the weather was too bad for them to make it back. The night dragged on.

In the downstairs hallway was an antique grandfather clock. It was very loud, but the entire family had long developed the ability to sleep through its thunderous gongs. It was set so that it only rang twice every twenty four hours, once at midnight and once at midday. Issei had actually missed it a little after leaving the house, so he stayed up in anticipation. The hours ticked by, the actual clockwork of the thing eerily silent. He watched the hour hand slowly move into position, and the minute hand was just about to hit twelve when-

Lightning crashed from the sky, seemingly right outside the window. All electricity was cut off, and in the instant he was plunged into darkness the grandfather began to roar. Twelve furious bellows echoed through the house, and when they stopped the house sounded even quieter than before. The continuous background hum that the household appliances usually emitted was absent, so that both sight and sound seemed to abandon him completely. Issei sat, eyes wide in the blackness, waiting for them to adjust.

The doorbell rang, scaring the life out of him.

The figure on his doorstep was small and shivering. As soon as she laid eyes on him Asia threw herself into his arms, sobbing hysterically. Issei gently led her inside, weaving unsteadily down the dark halls to the bathroom. He grabbed a towel and tried to dry her off, but she resisted. The poor girl was babbling frantically, too distraught to remember that he couldn't understand her. If Issei could speak Italian, he would have heard reiterations of the words 'murderer' and 'targeting holy maidens' and 'saw you with me'. But all he heard and all he saw was a distraught young girl, so he just smiled comfortingly and tried to calm her down.

He felt a cold draft.

A huge portion of the wall had disappeared. It wasn't as if it had been smashed inwards or had caved in naturally, but more like it had been utterly disintegrated. Issei began to back away, pushing Asia behind him. Someone was in the house. Now that he was tuned into it he could _taste_ them on the air. Masculine. Blood. Perhaps they had timed the blow to the wall to coincide with the sound of thunder. Perhaps they had been in the house from the beginning, watching from the shadows. As they passed a dark doorway, a huge fist reached out. Asia never saw it coming as it began to encircle her head with the intention of quickly squashing it into a fine pulp-

Issei threw his arms around her and dragged her out the way, the intruder roaring in fury as his fist closed on empty air. A weapon, long, heavy and probably intended for two-handed use came whistling towards them, and again Issei only just jerked them out of its path. As the monstrous instrument struck the ground it _ruptured__,_ the floorboards shattering and a crater forming beneath from the sheer destructive shockwave of the blow. The assailant was very tall, so much so that Issei only came up to his chest, and unnaturally muscular. He was middle-aged, his hair long, matted and unruly. Stubble decorated his cheeks, and he was wearing a dirty gray coat along with an equally dirty set of pants and boots. In his hand was a sledgehammer. The handle was very long, and if propped on the ground it would reach as high as the man's shoulder. The head was perfectly cylindrical, and blacker than any natural metal had any right to be.

The man hefted his hammer - this time with both hands - and attacked them once more. Issei threw Asia to the side and launched himself in the opposite direction, and the ground between them was pulverized into nothing. Before he could pull the heavy weapon back, Issei darted forward and kicked him solidly in the nuts. Though the big man only grunted in response, he could tell he had his attention.

"Asia!" he shouted, as the murderer turned his way. "Run! Run while I hold him off!"

"Wait! Don't!" she screamed back, but of course he didn't understand a word. He bolted through the gaping hole in the wall, and the hammer-man tore after him. The gap led to the garden, rain still thundering from the heavens. The fence to the right had been smashed to pieces (no doubt the hammer-man's point of entry) but Issei ran straight ahead. He jumped as he neared the tall tree at the edge of the yard, used it as a springboard and leapt atop the fence, his balance perfect despite the slippery rain water. He began to run along the narrow line of wood, and behind him the hammer-man bulled directly through the fence. He didn't even use his hammer, but simply smashed the wood into kindling with brute strength alone.

This was what Issei was counting on, or rather he was counting on the flying chunks of wood to obscure the madman's sight. As he kept moving - knowing that if he slowed down for even a moment he was done for - a second, even taller tree came into view. He leapt, eyes blazing green, and grabbed ahold of a high branch. He swung himself up and froze in a wobbly handstand. He watched as the lunatic passed beneath him and heard rather than saw his momentum carry him onwards, a fading bellow all that was left behind as he ran over the sheer drop their street was built on. Issei dropped to the ground and walked to the edge, curious to see the smashed remains of his assailant.

The sledgehammer swung up, coming closer than ever before. If Issei's eyes had been brown then he wouldn't have gotten away in time. The murderer, in a fit of cliche, had managed to grab ahold of a sapling sprouting from the cliffside, which was somehow supporting his full weight. As the head hit the ground, rock that had lasted for hundreds of years crumbled to nothing. The ledge turned to powder, and both of them fell into space.

Issei had to admire the brute straightforwardness of the guy. Even with both of them tumbling to their deaths he continued to wildly swing his weapon, spit flying like shrapnel as he filled the night air with bestial screams. Eyes glowing brighter than ever before, Issei kicked off the rock wall (which was speeding past faster by the second) and winced as the hammerhead whistled past his ear. As the madman lost all control Issei grabbed him by the hair, smashed him face first into the cliffside and kept him there for several seconds. A long rent was torn into the rock, several larger chunks breaking away and following them down before they broke apart once more.

As the resistance finally became too much they both bounced away. The madman rolled a few times, slowing his descent as Issei continued to fall. The hammer-man regained his bearings and began to run down the cliffside even as Issei righted himself. He came in with his standard overhead swing, but misjudged his own speed. Issei slipped between his legs as he whistled past, only to slam into a falling lump of debris. The lunatic dug his feet into the walls as he fell, tearing a chunk of rock free that was long and jagged like a pillar. As he once more spat on the laws of physics and ran along its length Issei felt his own platform rotate in the air. As the world righted itself Issei jumped. Beneath him the madman did the same, using his black hammer to smash the boulder apart. Pulling his weapon back, the hammerman ran for three steps up the cliffside before jumping towards him once more. He slightly misjudged the range, and Issei managed to grab the shaft of his hammer, pull, and wrap his legs about his shoulder in a straight arm bar. Once more they rotated, so that the murderer would hit the ground first.**  
**

Around the base of the hill ran a train track, and one such train happened to be passing just beneath them. They landed on the second to last car. The hammer-man hit the roof back first - denting it heavily - while Issei was thrown free, rolling to the edge of the last car. For a moment his eyes were brown again, but then he looked up, saw the lunatic stir and flicked them back to green. He jumped over the bigger man at a run, and soon heard the roars of pursuit resume once more. Issei sprinted at full throttle along the train's length, and saw ahead that the frontmost car had already turned a corner. The track was raised up high like a very long bridge, and straight ahead he could see the upper windows of a tall, high class apartment block.

Madness breathing down his neck, Issei jumped into space. He barreled through the fourth floor window, rolled to keep his momentum, then kept on running.

_Meanwhile__..._

Rias stepped out of the shower with a pleased sigh, rubbing the towel over her hair. A few droplets hung tantalizingly from her pristine body, and her gorgeous legs carried her swaying hips to her bedroom. She removed the towel, allowing her crimson hair to fall down her back, then wrapped it about herself and tied it at the chest.

Yuuto was becoming an issue. Admittedly, his abilities and composure were unaffected so long as that friend of his wasn't around, but when he _was_ then shit would hit the fan. Issei was uncontrollable, a wild card. He was Yuuto's best friend, so she had spoken to him on a few occasions. It hadn't taken her long to notice something that Yuuto appeared to have missed entirely.

Issei Hyodou positively stank of dragon.

It wasn't like he _was_ a dragon, or _descended_ from a dragon, or even used a dragon-based Sacred Gear. The theory was that, though certainly possessing such a Gear, Issei had yet to activate it. Instead he had instinctively attained a form of preliminary activation, giving him a dragon's aura and all the perks that came with it. If she was correct, then Issei was a genius among Sacred Gear users.

Rias would look back on this thought and laugh.

The sound of glass shattering was the first indication that something was wrong. As she turned to look at the bedroom door a brown haired blur darted through, tackling her across the room. When they landed his body was wrapped intimately around hers, one arm around her waist, one hand across her mouth and his legs tangled with her own. Before her brain could process what was happening he had rolled them both under the bed, holding her tightly to his chest and whispering in her ear;

"Don't make a sound."

Someone heavy strode into the room, snarling unintelligibly. Rias' apartment was extremely high class, and the picture frames alone were worth millions. Pictures, mirrors, cupboards and even poorly placed sections of wall were all torn apart as the second man rampaged through her home. Rias could see the chunks of masonry hit the floor. Then the first man leaned back, and she saw his face for the first time.

"You stay here," whispered Issei. "While I distract him." He edged out from under the bed, stood up, shouted a few profanities at the second man and then took off once again, the second man howling at his heels. Rias emerged once they were gone - still clad only in a bath towel - and gazed upon her destroyed home.

"What," she said finally. "The hell?"

_In __the __hallway__..._

Issei skidded about a corner, losing valuable seconds on his hunter. The halls were softly carpeted, and unsuitable for running. This particular stretch ended in a window, and on the other side was...

Oh. This was gunna be awesome.

A fat man in a dressing gown stepped out of a door ahead, a solid gold cigarette case in his hand. Issei snatched it up as he raced past, then threw it as hard as he could. The window shattered, and Issei leapt through. The apartment block stood next to a construction site, a tall building barely halfway done. While the bottommost floors were passable less and less work had been done as one went upwards, until the top five floors were a mere skeleton of steel beams. Next to the site stood a huge crane, unmanned, carrying a single girder suspended by a steel cable. This girder, it so happened, hung just outside a window on the fourth floor.

Issei's feet hit the girder, he grabbed the cable to cancel his momentum and winced as the friction burned his palm. Like a monkey he scrambled up the thin line before swinging himself up onto the crane's neck. The hammer-man roared and jumped, the girder swinging dangerously as the much heavier man landed. Knowing he had mere moments before the lunatic regained his bearings, Issei began to wildly punch the metal he knelt on. Eyes blazing with more draconic energies than ever before in his life, Issei managed four punches with each fist before they were crushed into a bloody pulp. It was enough, however, and the metal was bent so violently out of shape that it gave way, the combined weight of the hammer-man and the girder causing the tip to tear off completely.

Unfortunately, he'd underestimated the reflexes of the murderer. Even as he fell he grabbed the cable, swung it in a circle and hurled it at the crane's neck like a lasso, and Issei was forced to roll backwards to avoid being crushed. As he almost fell off the awkward surface, the lump of mangled metal firmly swung twice about the crane's neck before locking firmly against one of the many irregular nooks. With one tremendous heave the murderer hauled himself up, grabbed onto the crane and clambered to safety. The chase was on once more.

Issei ran down the crane, and this time the madman ran so close behind him he could feel the displaced air as the sledgehammer whistled past his head. As they reached the crane's body he jumped without hesitation, landing unsteadily on the topmost beams of the half-finished building. The top level was held up by four pillars, one at each corner. The level itself was in the shape of a capital H, and Issei found himself on the beam that formed the connecting line. As he desperately forced himself to stop, Issei found that H was all he had - there was nowhere left to run. The beam shook as a second body landed at its end, and Issei slowly turned to face it.

The building was not approved by everyone involved, and a huge crowd of protesters had gathered at its base. There were police to keep the crowd under control, construction workers trying to get to their job, landowners there to make a statement, and even a few reporters to add to the general chaos. The crowd saw everything, from the moment Issei burst through the window to the face off at the building's peak. Everything, from start...

...to finish.

The hammer-man was walking slowly now, sledgehammer steady in his hands. He didn't need to rush. There was no escape, and they both knew it. Not to mention Issei's hands had been mangled into unidentifiable lumps. _That_ was going to sting later. For now though the adrenaline was still thick in his system, and survival was more important than pain. They met in the middle, and the weapon sang through the air. He was fast, but Issei was faster, ducking and weaving around the blows. Curiously, the madman was avoiding the overhead strikes he had favored before now. It took Issei a moment to realize why. In a pause in the onslaught, Issei darted forward and kicked him in the shin. He would have gone for the side and tried to knock him off, but he probably would have lost his balance and followed. Over and over again Issei struck, aiming to enrage rather than to injure. He succeeded. Effortlessly Issei back-stepped, and the hammer struck the metal beneath. Like a twig, the girder snapped.

It had to be done perfectly. First was Issei's right foot, placed on the head of the hammer to prevent him from raising it up.

Using it as a step he moved forward, placing his left foot on the murderer's shoulder.

Twisting his body, he pushed off with his left leg and jumped the way he came, causing the bigger man to stagger back slightly.

By this point the beam had collapsed inward, and the path was slanted heavily. Issei ran three steps up the falling metal, then jumped once more.

Lacking functioning hands, Issei was forced to throw his forearms over the beam ahead. His elbows screamed and what was left of his hands scraped agonizingly against the edge, but he held on. He was safe.

Below him, the madman fell through space. In the fog of bloodlust that clouded his thoughts, he saw his prey make it to safety. Putting every ounce of strength and willpower into the throw, he hurled his hammer as hard as he could. He missed, and hit the beam a few inches too far to the left. But it was enough.

Again his support crumbled, and this time Issei had no way to save himself. The world spun, and he was dimly aware of bouncing off a few things as he fell. This was probably a good thing, as it reduced his velocity sufficiently that he survived. He still blacked out for a few seconds, but hey! Who gets everything?

Issei gasped as he jolted back into consciousness. Everywhere hurt, which was good. It meant everything was still attached. He sat up, blinked, and looked around. He was on the bottom floor of the building, dark and empty. It appeared to be a cafeteria, and several tables and chairs had been thrown about as he hit them. A few feet away sat the maniac who had chased him across half the city, his clothes even dirtier than before. He was just sitting there, staring blearily ahead. He turned and met his eyes. The man's eyes were pale, tired and very, very surprised.

There was a crash and the hammer landed between them, head embedding in the ground. They looked at the hammer, looked at eachother, then looked up.

On its way down the hammer had bounced off several walls and girders, and Issei had seen enough of the incredible weapon to know that whatever it hit was destroyed utterly, only powder left behind. Like an avalanche, tonnes and tonnes and tonnes of steel and masonry came crashing down towards them. Exhausted from the long chase, both of them could only sit and watch. Just before the rush reached them, as the collapsing mass blocked out all light, Issei heard the other man whisper three words.

"Oh thank god-"

There was a crash, screams, then silence.


	2. Sunglasses: The Ultimate Disguise

"The man encountered by Issei Hyoudou last night was a serial killer with the alias of 'Crushing Hammer' amongst the human constabulary," began Rias. She was sitting at her desk in the Occult Research club room, reading off of a sheet of paper holding the information gathered by her familiar. Kiba sat on one of the chairs to her left, his head down and his hands curled into balls on his knees. Opposite him sat Akeno and Koneko, who were looking at him in concern. "Officially he was a construction worker who simply lost his mind, killing everyone at his workplace with a company issued sledgehammer before doing the same thing to his own family. He then traveled the country through unknown means and committed over two hundred similar acts with the same murder weapon, primarily targeting females with a religious background. These offences were purely violent, with no indications of theft or rape at any of the known crime scenes."

Here she paused, gave Kiba a last, concerned look and picked up a second sheet. "Unofficially, he came into possession of a strange artifact that emerged in Europe just under fifty years ago. Both before and after its discovery it had been melted and reforged many times, implying that the material rather than the object itself was what made it unique. The most recent form taken by the artifact was the hammer used as the killer's murder weapon. Regardless of its shape, the artifact is always in possession of at least two documented abilities."

"Foremost is the power of destruction. Though I say that, it is in no way the same as my own powers. While my own abilities are more along the lines of anti-matter, the artifact simply disassembles its target at a molecular level. In its current form the effect is achieved by striking the intended object with the head of the hammer, but there have been alternate means with its previous forms."

"The second documented attribute is the irrational madness it eventually begins to inspire in the wielder, which always takes the form of omnimalevolent bloodlust. Initially this drives the recipient to attack all around them, but after prolonged influence they begin to target 'holy maidens', or rather human females with supernatural ties to a benevolent religion. In Issei Hyoudou's case, for instance, he was seen interacting with one such holy maiden by pure coincidence."

Rias trailed off awkwardly, then carefully placed the info sheet back on her desk. She looked at Kiba one more time before clearing her throat. She psyched herself up for what came next. "As for Issei's current condition... he's... well..."

"Issei," whispered Kiba, the first words he'd spoken in a while. "He's dead, isn't he?" He balled his fists even tighter, and his whole body started to shake like a leaf. "He's dead! And he's never coming back!" Kiba's voice was choked with emotion. His eyes were clouded with tears, he couldn't form coherent thoughts due to his tumultuous emotions and his nose was starting to run in a particularly undignified manner. So distraught was he that he didn't notice as the curtain on the club room's built-in shower (which was behind him) was drawn back.

Issei sat up from the tub where he had apparently been sleeping. He blinked blearily before lifting his arms in a luxuriant stretch, his yawn massive but silent. He was wearing the same clothes he was brought there in, which meant they were caked in blood and filth, but otherwise he didn't have a scratch on him. He noticed there were other people in the room, and began to lift himself from the bath.

"I said things," Kiba continued. "Things I didn't mean!" Issei stepped up behind him, but still he didn't notice. "I told him I hated him, that I wished I didn't know him! But I didn't mean it, and I... I... I wish I could tell him how I really feel!"

Issei raised an eyebrow, then began to lean on the back of his chair as he settled in to listen. Akeno was struggling to hold in a smile, while Koneko was steadfastly staring at the door to help her friend retain his dignity. Rias had picked her cheat sheet back up so she could hide a smirk of her own.

"There are so many things I want to tell him, like... like..."

"How he was the best friend you'd ever had." said Issei encouragingly.

"How he was the best friend I'd ever had," sobbed Kiba. "And how I always... I always..."

"Appreciated what he brought into your life."

"Appreciated what he brought into my life," agreed KIba, the tears now freely flowing.

"Into everyone's lives." said Issei nostalgically, and Kiba nodded in agreement.

"He did that-" Kiba managed, before erupting into fully fledged howls of grief. By this point Akeno, Rias and even Koneko were holding their shoulders, quivering with suppressed mirth. "If only I'd told him that... that I..."

"Always loved him." pressed Issei, somehow managing to keep a straight face.

"Yeah, how I always loved him..."

"Even though he was obviously straight."

"Even though he was obviously..."

"And positively overflowing with masculinity!"

"And positively... and positively..."

Kiba was no longer crying. His back was ramrod straight, his arms by his sides and his face an emotionless mask. Though his eyes were red and puffy they were now completely dry. Slowly and deliberately he rose to his feet, before turning to face his suddenly living friend. Issei held his gaze for several seconds before breaking out into a smile.

"I believe in miracles!" he began to sing, dancing a goofy jig to go with it. "You sexy- _hrk_!"

"You bastard!" snarled Kiba, lunging over the chair to fasten his fingers about the other boy's throat. They - along with the chair - crashed to the ground. "You utter... utter... utter... BASTARD!" He started to slam Issei's head against the ground, quite overcome with rage. Akeno had lost all semblance of composure, and was laughing hysterically while holding her ribs. Rias was snorting over and over again into the hand covering her mouth, and even Koneko (bent over and facing away) was beginning to vibrate from suppressed hilarity. "You fucking TRAITORS!" Kiba screamed.

"I know that you just tried to kill me and all," Issei began. "But I'm going to forgive you, because I know that deep down you'll always-"

"SHUT UP!"

A particularly adorable snort echoed throughout the room.

"Koneko!" shouted Kiba, the look of one who has been betrayed by the one they trust most on his face. "You, of all people-"

"Yuuto," interrupted Issei. "Thanks. I'm glad that you're glad that I'm alright."

Kiba's scowl shifted, and for a moment it seemed as though he had calmed down.

"Wait a minute," said the bishounen suddenly. "Why're you here? Weren't your hands squished? And didn't a building fall on you right afterwards?"

"Half a building."

"Whatever!"

"Yuuto," said Rias calmly, having finally gotten ahold of herself. "This is what I was going to tell you before you..." Her lips twitched treacherously. "...Interrupted. Issei is my new Pawn. He's one of us now."

"Which means I'm going to live as long as you Fang-Man!" said Issei cheerfully, slapping Kiba on the back as a look of dawning horror came over his features. "We're going to be together forever, and ever..." Here, Issei made his face as creepy as he possibly could. "And ever!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Kiba, hurtling for the window. "I DON'T WANT TO LIVE ANYMORE!" There was a sound of glass shattering, and he was gone.

"Dumbass," snorted Issei. "This is only the second floor." Sure enough his broken rants soon started up again, fading slowly into the distance. "Please tell me someone filmed that."

Koneko raised her phone with one hand.

"Can I have a copy?"

She brought up her other hand and gave him a thumbs up.

"Awesome!" He turned to acknowledge the rest of the room. "I know I haven't officially joined the club yet, but I just know I'm going to love working with all of you!" He saluted cheerily. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm not quite done torturing Kiba."

He leapt heroically through the broken window, and was gone.

_Later__, __the __same __day__..._

"And in conclusion," Issei was saying. "The class rep is obviously an undercover spy."

"You knows what's amazing?" said Kiba, looking like he didn't know whether to laugh or cry. "That _isn__'__t_ the dumbest thing I've ever heard you say."

They were sitting in the cafeteria, across from one another, and were each tucking into a generic school lunch. Issei had stopped by the locker rooms while the football team was busy, and swapped his own filthy uniform for a relatively clean one that was thereabouts his size. Not wanting to leave the owner in an embarrassing position, he had considerately left his own clothes as a replacement. They had his name on the tag, so he'd probably see them again.

"Have you seen the food he eats?"

"I've never felt the need to check, no."

"That right there is the food that New Yorkers can't get enough of, the mighty Egg Benedict! It hasn't become popular in every corner of Japan yet, but it's a dish that many of the rich bitches that hang out in the high streets consider to be a high tier brunch menu item. Indeed, it was first time I had ever witnessed such a delicacy in our humble backstreets."

"You sure know a lot of useless stuff, don't you?" said Kiba wryly. "Also, our school isn't in the backstreets. And the egg benedict isn't a delicacy."

"The point is," Issei forged onwards. "That he is deceiving us with that shitty lunchbox he brings to school each day."

"So?" shrugged Kiba. "Some would argue that the idea of a prince attending a commoners' school is pretty cool."

"COOL MY FUCKING ASS!" shouted Issei, and they both ducked as all eyes turned to them. Of course, this only served draw even more attention than they were already receiving. "Steel yourself my effeminate friend, for today I shall uncover that worthless, deceiving crap's true identity!"

"Is this really how you should be recovering from debilitating, life-threatening injuries?"

"Yes." nodded Issei. Kiba sighed, and Issei knew he was in.

_Elsewhere__..._

Asia felt sick with guilt. She been unable to sleep since she had watched that poor young man be chased into the night by a man who who had originally been after her. Since she had no access to news of any kind she had no idea how big a farce that particular escapade had ended in, which meant she could only worry herself sick wondering what had happened. So imagine her surprise when, upon taking a walk a few days later, she saw that same boy (wearing sunglasses) hiding behind a trash can with a second, slightly thinner boy (who was also wearing sunglasses) whilst spying on a third, rather ordinary looking boy who didn't seem to have noticed them at all.

"What on earth are you doing?" she asked before she could stop herself.

"Hm?" said Issei. "Oh! Asia! Hi!" Kiba blinked as he caught sight of her, suddenly remembering what Rias had told them about the targeting of holy maidens.

"Issei-san?" blinked Asia. "You can speak Italian?"

"I can, yes." nodded Issei, who had already been told about the translation spell. "I just pretended I couldn't for the novelty." It was sad, but Kiba could totally see him doing that. "How are you? Last time we met you were..."

"Oh! I'm fine, yes," Asia gasped, suddenly remembering what she had been agonizing over just a few seconds ago. "Are you okay, that man was-"

"He chased me into an abandoned building, knocked out the supports with his hammer and crushed us both. He's dead, but I have a pretty good doctor, so..." He enjoyed her shocked face for a moment before nodding towards Kiba. "This here is my wingman, Yuuto Kiba. He prefers it when you call him Kiba."

"I do not." said Kiba, but there was no heat in his voice. "Hello, nice to meet you."

"Ah-" gasped Asia, and performed a clumsy curtsy. "Nice to meet you. My name is Asia Argento." She peered at them both curiously. "Why are you wearing sunglasses?"

"When tailing someone, you should always come equipped with the bare essentials." nodded Issei sagely, and Kiba facepalmed with a sigh. "I have a third pair. Wanna join us?"

"Why do you have a third pair!"

Kiba's tsukkomi was just a bit too loud, and the class rep turned to see what all the noise was about. All three of them ducked behind the trash, and Issei knew the nun was in.

_Later__..._

"Where did he go!" hissed Issei.

"Into that cafe over there," Asia whispered back, peeping over her sunnies. The cafe in question was from a classy American chain that none of them could pronounce the name of, and all three of them were eyeing it while hiding conspicuously around the corner.

"From our recent findings," Issei began, in what Kiba liked to call his bullshitting voice. "It's natural to assume he's the typical pervert who goes into cafes like that to sit and drink coffee. He's likely the type to shoot sneaky perverted glances from left to right while hiding behind a book."

"The way you explain it, I'm starting to dislike him too." admitted Kiba. "What now?"

"As the saying goes, to hunt a tiger, you must venture into the its lair."

"Hey! That place looks stupidly expensive!"

"Um," murmured Asia nervously. "Nuns don't get paid, you know."

"Bah. It's just a slightly classier family restaurant." snorted Issei dismissively.

"...You're hungry, aren't you?" said Kiba finally. "You doing all this just so you can get an Egg Benedict."

"So what if I am!" said Issei, not even trying to deny it. "A building fell on me, dude!"

This was true. "Fine," Kiba sighed. "As a wise man once said, the man who wins is the man who tries."

"Wisdom," nodded Issei, and took the lead.

"Guys?" called Asia plaintively. "I really have no money to speak of."

_Inside__..._

When the class rep came to their table dressed as a waiter, their thoughts varied;

_DAFUQ__! __Class __rep __works __here__!_

_How __many __zeroes __are __next __to __this __price __tag__!_

_What __do __you __mean __they __don__'__t __have __a __fucking __Egg __Benedict__!_

You can guess which is which.

Of course, though they still had their sunglasses on, the class rep still recognized them. "Aren't you from my class? Why you hear?"

"To eat, of course." said Issei calmly. He wasn't a fool, and he knew they couldn't afford anything on the menu. So he decided to rectify the situation the only way he knew how; by making a scene!

"What would you like?"

"The usual." said Issei smoothly.

"And the usual is...?"

"WHAT THE FUCK!" thundered Issei, bringing his fists down hard on the tabletop and scaring the shit out of his friends. Immediately, all eyes were on them. "THE EMPLOYEES HERE DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT A FREQUENT CUSTOMER EATS? SHIT! FUCK THIS! FUCK YOU! I'M GETTING THE FUCK OUT OF HERE! C'MON GUYS, LET'S BLOW THIS JOINT!"

It probably would have worked, if the manager hadn't been there.

"What the hell is going on over here!"

She was a tall, attractive but severe-looking woman, with short black hair, tight-fitting black jeans and a pink dress shirt. The class rep explained what had happened while the three of them sat in dread.

"I see, so these customers are..." As the manager gave the troublemakers her most intimidating glare, her gaze homed in on Asia. The little blonde nun was drooping miserably, her large, moist eyes beaded with restrained teardrops at the corners and her fragile frame wracked by the occasional sniffle. The manager imagined a set of small yellow dog ears atop her head, flattened repentantly against her skull.

"Right!" she nodded brightly. "To make up for my slave's mistake, this meal is on me! Eat whatever you like!" She gave Asia a fond pat on the head, like that one skittish pet whose shyness makes it everyone's favorite. The three boys stared as she left, then turned to the equally confused Asia.

"We're bringing her here again." murmured Kiba.

"Agreed." nodded Issei.

"Er," said the class rep, who was totally out of his depth. "Would you like to order now?"

In a rare moment of unity, the two boys shared a look.

"Sirloin steak."

"Right."

"Cajun salad."

"Got it."

"Carbonara spaghetti."

"Uh-huh."

This carried on for a while.

_Some __time __later__..._

"Puaaahhh!" sighed Asia cutely, leaning backwards with her hands folded on her stomach.

"Good food." acknowledged Kiba, dabbing at his mouth with a napkin.

"Edible." agreed Issei, one arm tossed over the back of his chair as the other ran a toothpick over his teeth.

At first Asia was against taking advantage of the manager's kindness. Then she tasted the carbonara.

"So your class representative's food," purred the blonde happily. "Was just leftovers from his part-time job."

"Yeah," murmured Kiba, eyeing his friend out of the corner of his eye. "Issei, you... how are you coping?"

"With what?" Issei frowned.

"With the-" he glanced surreptitiously at Asia. "With the _surgery_ you got after the accident. It was fairly... life-changing."

"Well yeah," Issei replied slowly. "I was surprised, you know, at first-"

"Surprised?" echoed Kiba. "Not shocked or terrified or incredulous? Not horrified or disgusted or repulsed."

Asia began to wonder what sort of surgery he'd had.

"Not particularly," he shrugged. "I mean, this is who I am now, so I may as well deal with it. It's not like I've become a different person, or like I'm crippled. And you have to admit, I was pretty abnormal to begin with."

This was true. Kiba, like anyone else who had known Issei for any length of time, knew about his green-eyed mode. Considering how Issei must have had to deal with his natural differences to rest of the human race completely on his own whilst growing up, it kind of explained his adaptability.

"Issei-san?" asked Asia innocently. "What kind of surgery did you have?"

They both froze. Now _there_ was an awkward question. Luckily they were saved from answering, as the entire boys' football team of Kuou High came bursting through the front door.

"Asia," said Issei, quickly leaning forward to clasp her hands with his. "It's been nice seeing you again. We should do this again sometime."

"Er," she managed, before a particularly thuggish newcomer stomped over and snagged Issei by the scruff of his neck.

"You!" he snarled, like the word was a curse. "You're Issei Hyoudou!"

"You've heard of me." beamed Issei, seeming pleasantly surprised.

"You stole my uniform!" the other boy roared.

"I did yeah."

"You're just going to admit it? Like it wasn't covered in blood?"

"It's because it was covered in blood that I swapped it for yours." Issei pointed out.

"What did you do? Murder someone?"

"I was attacked by a serial killer, actually."

Behind him Asia was looking more and more alarmed by the minute, but Kiba was just facepalming repeatedly. "Asia-san?"

"Yes?" she squeaked.

"It looks like my partner over there," he nodded at the throng of sportsmen. "Is intent on picking a fight. You should leave, or you'll get caught in the collateral damage." He paused, then smiled softly. "But it has been nice meeting you. We should do this again."

As Asia hurried to the door, the last thing she saw as she looked over her shoulder was Kiba, casually strolling towards the brawl-to-be as though he'd done it a thousand times before.

_That __night__..._

"And as I was walking down the street I looked back," Asia was saying. "And one the big men was just hurled through the front window like it was nothing!"

"Damn," nodded Mitelt, the youngest fallen angel on the premises and the one she was telling the story to. "We should recruit that guy."

At tall man in a trench coat appeared at the door. "Asia, report to Calawana. You've been assigned a partner."

"Yes sir." she nodded quickly, and hurried from the room. The man looked at the little blond goth loli and said; "And you, Lady Reinare wants to see you."

"But Donnasiege," she whined.

"Now!" Donnasiege snapped.

They were in the bowels of an abandoned church at the edge of town, the very one where Issei had dropped Asia off the other day. In one of the darker rooms Mitelt found her superior, a fallen angel with long, dark hair. "Is the Healing Maiden settling in?"

"Quite well, yes." nodded Mitelt.

Reinare was standing next to a massive, intricate drawing that had been chalked out on the ground. It consisted of twelve concentric circles, drawn in layers. At points on the clock, each circle had a hoop at its edge with a black chain threaded through. The chains came together to bind the shaft of the weapon sitting in the center of the magic circle.

A two-handed sledgehammer, balanced on its head. A head darker than any night.


End file.
